I wanna passion pit in your ass
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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