Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
