i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
