I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
