He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I love you. Go after that dick
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
