no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Let's get the cat blown out
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
