I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
