I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
