No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
