very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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