do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
