i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
