You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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