i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
