He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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