With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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