i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
