I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
