She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
