Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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