I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
