I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
