No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
