remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
this is an emotional support booty call
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
