so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
