two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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