Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
