Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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