I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
