I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
