Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think people are normalizing furries
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
