i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
