I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
