I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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