and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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