I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
