hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
