Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
