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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  ur plase or mine? lol

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.

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• (681): View more from West Virginia

  Where are I am going home with Ryan

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  sounds like you fell off the wagon.

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  He tried peeing out of the sunroof.

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• (409): View more from Texas

  Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.

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• (254): View more from Texas

  I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body

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