someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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