I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
