OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
