All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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