didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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