In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
