Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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