So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
