Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
