mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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