We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
