Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
