We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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