I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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